Fanfiction: Ophelia

One fine summer morning in Lithuania, Beardy was weeding the flower pots he kept so carefully on his porch. He had marigolds, pansies, daffodils and a special type of flower that he’d brought back from Lala Land when he went there the previous autumn. He was humming a merry little tune to himself (possibly We Are The Winners, though his lawyers would probably deny that). Suddenly, he looked up over the railing to see Ponytail coming up his garden path. Beardy sighed.
“Hey, Beardface,” said Ponytail casually, holding out a packet of Tim Tams (he’d bought thirty back from his last trip to Australia, and was down to the last one). “Want a biscuit?”
“No,” said Beardy rudely. “What do you want?”
“Just came to apologise for last night, you know. Probably shouldn’t have smacked your mum over the head like that. But I thought she was a gazelle with a machete.”
“Lay off the f*ing acid,” said Beady, and boxed Ponytail’s ears.