MISC: The Poses Of Doom

Publicity photographs. Lighting the sky of fangirlish picture-finding, driving back blank space, these photographic representations of people, foodstuffs and locations are integral to the world. LT United, following the strange trend of remaining visible to the naked eye, have had a very interesting set of publicity photographs taken. Much to everyone’s disappointment, none of them involved being doused in coffee (like wot Colin Fith did, ducky). But oh well. We can just imagine the coffee. *does so, gleefully*
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*cough*

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Analysis. Yes. That is what we should do.

	Eimantas seems to think he is a mother, and is holding an invisible baby. Though this pose could be miscontrued as agressive, his head is on such an angle that if he attempted to move, he would fall over sideways.

	Mishki is of the opinion that Beardy is suffering from a heart attack, his smile indicating that it was brought on by a really, really good joke (probably involving bees). Erin can see the merit of this theory, however she sees his hand on his leg as a symbol of worship to the spoon goddess Silverspoononasundayeh.

	This is a classic "I'm about to poke your eye" pose, which Andreas most probably learnt from ninjas living in his cellar. These ninjas beat the sh*t out of a bunch of pirates every friday night, whilst singing "We Are The Winners" in a linguistic amalgamation of Swahili and Urdu.

	Samas is obviously very happy with his tie, and wishes to inform the deaf members of the audience that he is very fond of it. This extends to a love of tie knots, meaning he has to tie the ties of the entiere LT United lineup at all times. Beardy in particular does not like walking out of his bathroom in the morning to find Samas climbing out of his tie draw with a manic glint in his eye.

	Arnoldus is a very happy man, and owing to his 5% of yokel lineage, expresses it in this particular elbow-swinging gesture. Note his neat tie: this is because he is standing next to Samas.

	Vee's last LSD trip involved surfing at Bondi Beach on waves that inexplicably resembled slightly tipsy badgers. Here he recounts the gesture he used to fend off the badgers, whilst remaining upright on his surf board.

The socio-political background of each band member, contributing to the overall group dynamic (specifically how many sugars they have in their tea) can only be ascertained by the careful analysis of the above ludicrous poses.

One must first work from the presumption that these are mere snapshots of the body language these men possess: Eimantas may indeed also have a “burping baby” and “holding the bloody kid’s hand to stop them running underneath a car” complex. Beardy, following on from his heart attack theme, may also have an “undead skeleton” walk, “slightly decomposed left foot” posture and “Look ma! I’m angel!”. When you are going to meet Andreas, be sure to be wearing sunglasses encase he mistakes you for an enemy and uses his |337 eye-poking finger. One could go on for hours finding hidden meaning… But one could also scull an entire litre of Tabasco and have a small chance of survival.

But, perhaps the most earth-shattering of realisations stemming from this research is that Samas is, in fact, a god. Erin, who is a habitual tie-wearer, has often experienced visions of Samas looking down from the heavens and ordering her to “neaten up that fore-in-hand”. When questioned, many of Samas’ friends and relatives have noticed an unearthly glow and can mystically neaten fifteen ties at one moment in time.

Vee just needs a better dealer.